Girl Magnet
by PSI-Triforce
Summary: When Marth feels jealous of Link's successful relationships with the women of Smash Mansion, he casts a spell on Link that affects every female there. He doesn't know what interesting effects it has on other Smashers... LxZ CFxS Oneshot.


Link walked happily down the halls of Smash Mansion, going to the hall to have breakfast. Upon entering, he sat down with Marth, Pit and Ike, and began to have a normal morning conversation, unaware of the eventful day he was going to have.

"Hi," Link chirped, "What's up?"

"Nothing!" snapped back Marth angrily. He was obviously upset about something. As Link took his seat, he was about to ask Marth what the matter was, when Pit whispered to Link,

"He asked out Peach this morning, but she said no."

"Oh," said Link slowly, before patting Marth on the shoulder and telling him that he was sorry.

"Don't patronise me, Link! You know very well that you're the main reason no girls here are interested in anyone!"

"What? What have I got to do with this?"

Pit took Link aside again and whispered, "You're going out with Zelda, everyone thinks that Peach has a crush on you, and you're one of the only people who are close to Samus."

"Don't whisper!" Marth snapped again, "I hate whispering! Besides Link, it's obvious, I can't think of a single girl here who doesn't like you."

"That's not true!"

At that moment, Link was interrupted by Nana of the Ice Climbers, who had slowly approached Link and tugged on his tunic. Looking down, Link saw her in her pink outfit, and heard her talking to him.

"Mr Link? I hurt my arm!"

Sighing, Link pulled up Nana's sleeve and saw a small bruise near her elbow. Pulling her sleeve back down, he muttered, "Just rest your arm for a while, it should be fine."

Nana blushed and whispered back, "Will you kiss it better?"

Link gave an awkward sigh before pulling her sleeve back up and kissing her arm, then muttering tiredly, "There, all better."

Nana giggled and ran away, while Link awkwardly looked back at the others, who had raised their eyebrows at him, except for Marth, who looked furious.

"See? This is all your fault Link!"

Link tried to reason with Marth, but he stormed off angrily. He just couldn't stop thinking about how much better it would be if Link wasn't there. Zelda, Peach, maybe even Samus, would all be more willing to give him a try.

As Marth passed Ganondorf's room, he got a wicked smile as he thought of the perfect revenge he could play on Link. He knocked on Ganondorf's door. The King of evil soon opened it, annoyed at being interrupted. However, before he could demand to know what Marth was doing, Marth quickly told him, "I need some of your magic so I can play a prank on Link."

Ganondorf paused for a second as he thought about helping.

"What kind of prank, and how much would it hurt Link?" he asked, with an evil smile spreading on his face."

Marth smiled as he saw that Ganondorf was on board. "Let me come in, I'll explain everything…"

Marth left a few minutes later, after seeing the spell being successfully cast by Ganondorf.

"Remember Marth, the spell stops at six o'clock this evening."

"No problem… thanks Ganondorf."

Ganondorf chuckled and shut his door as Marth went back to the dinner hall to rejoin Pit and Ike. Under his breath, he muttered to himself, "So if Link wants to take all the girls here, so be it…"

Meanwhile, Link was training in the gym, and was completely unaware that Ganondorf had just put a spell on him. Shooting down targets, Link jumped backwards and started hacking up a dummy with his sword. Suddenly, he felt himself tripping over something, and as he looked down, he could have sworn that he'd seen a girl's leg tripping him up. When he landed, he heard a feminine scream as Peach rushed towards him to help him up.

"Oh Link, are you ok?"

"Yes Peach, I'm fine, thank you."

Peach ignored Link's claims that he was fine and started to inspect the knee which he had fallen on.

"Oh Link, you're getting a bruise here! Do you want me to kiss it better?"

Before Link could even respond, Peach puckered up and gave his knee a sloppy smooch. Link quickly stood up and said, panicking, "I'm fine, really. I think I'll go back to training now…"

Peach looked disappointed as she stood up and reluctantly started to leave the gym. However, Link had barely started training again when he heard Peach screaming in the doorway. Turning around, he saw that she was in a tangled mess on the ground, and, running to her aid, he asked what was wrong.

"Peach? What happened?"

"I slipped! I think I twisted my ankle, Link."

"Is there anything I can do to help?"

Peach rubbed her ankle for a moment before she asked, "Could you carry me back to my room please?"

"Certainly," Link replied, picking up Peach as she let out a small giggle.

As Link carried Peach back to her room, he could've sworn that he heard her sigh in his arms a few times. When they neared her room, she even whispered, "Your arms are so strong, Link…"

As Link grew more and more disturbed by Peach, he entered her room and put her down on the bed. Desperate to leave, he started to say, "Well, I'd better get back to training…" but Peach wrapped her arms around him and pleaded, "Stay with me, Link!"

Nervously, Link pulled up a chair and sat next to Peach's bed, after managing to wriggle out of her hug.

"So… what's up, Peach?"

"Nothing much," Peach replied, before giving a startled yell and waving something away from her face.

"What was that?"

"I think something stung me! I don't have my mirror handy, can you tell me if it looks bad?"

Link awkwardly agreed and asked where Peach had been stung, and she replied "At the top of my nose, right between my eyes."

Link leant closer to Peach to look between her eyes, unaware that Peach was looking into his and feeling her heart melt. Just as Link was about to tell her that he couldn't see anything, she flung her arms around him and started to kiss him, but within seconds, he pushed her away, gasping.

"Peach! I have a girlfriend!"

Link was speechless, and quickly decided to leave, running towards the door.

"No! Link, don't go!" shouted Peach after him as she rose from the bed and started to run after him.

Link ran down the hallways of Smash Mansion, desperate to find out what was going on. Passing Samus' room, he wondered if she would be able to tell him if anyone strange was going on. Quickly entering her room, he stayed quiet until he heard Peach passing the room. Sighing, he called out,

"Samus? Are you here?"

Samus stepped out of her bathroom, wearing her power suit with her helmet off.

"Oh, Link… what a pleasant surprise!"

Link ignored how Samus started to blush and sat down on her bed.

"Samus, something bad is going on."

"Really? Tell me about it." Said Samus slowly as she opened her wardrobe door and hid behind it, changing clothes."

"Well, it's Peach. She… she tried to kiss me earlier. I pushed her away, but she was desperate to get me. She even chased after me when I ran away. I'm scared about this Samus, Peach is my friend, but after this, I don't know if I can see her again."

Samus had finished changing, and sat down next to Link on the bed in her Zero suit. He didn't notice, so she put a hand on his shoulder and said, "She tried to kiss you?"

"Well, she did kiss me! It was only for a second, then I pushed her away and ran… I shouldn't have let her kiss me, I have a girlfriend! It's just… wrong!"

"Yeah, wrong," repeated Samus, who was nibbling the end of her finger as she eyed Link with lust.

"Wrong… bad… naughty."

Link's face went pale as he heard the last word Samus said, and leapt off the bed moments after Samus had jumped towards him. As he caught sight of Samus, on the bed on her hands and knees, he saw the same difference in her that he had seen in Peach earlier.

"Samus! What the hell are you doing? I'm going out with Zelda!"

Samus ignored Link's cries and jumped towards him again, grabbing his arms as they both fell to the ground. Samus landed on top of Link and tried to kiss him again, but Link pulled one of his arms free and managed to push the bounty huntress off of him.

Running to the door, Link managed to get out of the room before he realised that Samus was chasing him too. Turning a corner, he ran straight into Peach, who gave a loud cry and started chasing him too. Desperately seeking refuge, he ran into another room and locked the door behind him.

Giving a loud sigh as he sat down on the bed, he recognized the room as Zelda's and immediately felt relieved. At least she wouldn't act strangely to him. He heard the bathroom door behind him opening, but didn't bother to turn around and look at her.

"Zelda, is that you?"

"Yes, why Link, whatever is the matter?"

"Samus and Peach are acting strangely. They both… they've both tried to kiss me today. I actually came in here to hide, but luckily, it was your room."

"They tried to kiss you? Did you stop them?"

"Yes, of course! I ran away from Peach, but then Samus tried to kiss me as well."

Link sighed and leaned forwards, holding his head in his hands.

"Something's happened to them, and I'm worried."

"Well," started Zelda, who sat behind Link on the bed and put a hand on his shoulder, "I don't blame them. After all, this is you we're talking about."

Link gave a dry laugh and muttered, "Thanks, Zelda," before feeling her giving him a hug. As Link finally turned around to give her a hug, he closed his eyes, as he felt himself holding Zelda in his arms. Then, he opened his eyes and realised something. Usually, when he hugged Zelda, he would feel her dress, but this time, he just felt her skin. Breaking the hug, he began to ask, "Zelda, what are you wearing?" but screamed in shock and gasped as he saw her. She was sitting in front of him, completely naked.

"Zelda… you're… you're naked!"

Zelda giggled and whispered flirtatiously, "Well why shouldn't I be when I have the sexiest boyfriend in the world?"

A look of horror appeared on Link's face as he realised that Zelda was being affected by the same thing that was affecting Peach and Samus. Standing up, he tried to leave, but Zelda grabbed him by his tunic and whispered, "Don't leave before the fun starts, Link."

Link desperately took off his tunic to get free and bolted for the door, as he heard Zelda calling for him to wait, and he knew that soon, she would be chasing him too.

Meanwhile, Marth was still sitting in the living room, watching TV, as Link ran past a few doors, before bolting inside and signalling to Marth to stay quiet. Marth had trouble hiding his smirk as he saw Peach, Samus, and Zelda, who was only in a bathrobe, running past the door, looking for Link. Before the girls could run too far, Marth shouted, "Why Link, what are you doing here?"

Link swore loudly as Peach, Samus and Zelda burst into the room, forcing Link to jump out of the window into the garden and search for a new place to hide. Marth laughed again as he saw the girls splitting up to chase him.

Yawning, Marth decided it was time to get some food. Walking into the kitchen, he grabbed a packet of crisps until he heard a small noise. Someone was crying softly, and Marth was interested in finding out who it was. Turning a corner, Marth saw the last person he would ever expect to see crying.

"Captain Falcon? Why are you crying?"

Captain Falcon looked up slowly, then looked back down at a picture he was holding. "Samus dumped me."

"Samus? You and her were going out?"

"Yeah, it was a secret to everyone. Then, this lunchtime, she just went all weird. She told me that she can't be with me any more because she loves somebody else."

"She does?"

"Yeah, Link."

With a shudder, Marth realised that his prank on Link had broken up a relationship, and it could easily break up more. How would Zelda react when she recalled her shameless advances on him? What would happen to Peach's self-esteem when she remembered the things she had tried to do?

Taking a deep breath, Marth sat next to Captain Falcon and asked, "You're not mad at Link, are you?"

Captain Falcon looked confused as he looked up at Marth. "Mad at Link? Why would I be mad at him?"

"You don't think he stole Samus from you?"

"Of course not! It's not his fault that she likes him."

Marth's insides felt queasy as he realised that Link hadn't done anything to him to deserve the prank, but Captain Falcon continued.

"At first I was mad at him, but then I realised that really, I was just blaming him for what went wrong, and it wasn't his fault."

"It was mine," spoke up Marth.

Captain Falcon had stopped crying, and looked even more confused. "How is this your fault?"

"Captain Falcon, let me tell you what happened today…"

For the next 15 minutes, Marth recalled everything that had happened that day to Captain Falcon, who listened intently. Just as Marth finished, Link ran into the kitchen and slammed the door behind him, locking it quickly. Captain Falcon nudged Marth and said,

"Link, I think Marth needs to talk to you."

After Marth spent another few minutes explaining what had happened to Link, Link only had one question.

"If this is a spell, and it wears off at six, what time is it now?"

Captain Falcon checked his watch and said, "You've only got 3 more minutes, Link!"

Link let out a sigh of relief as he leaned against a wall and slowly slid down it. Marth was still nervous that any second, Link was going to go mental and attack him for what he had done.

"Link, are you mad at me?"

"No, I'm just relieved. I'm just glad this will all be over soon. Still, if I ever accidentally annoy you again, just tell me."

"You didn't really annoy me… I was just… jealous."

"Why?" asked Captain Falcon, joining the conversation.

"You've always had a solid relationship with Zelda, and I've always wished that another girl would like me that way…"

"You know Marth, I did meet someone who seemed interested in you."

"You did?" said Marth, perking up.

"Yeah, her name's Lyn. She's one of the assist trophies, but she occasionally comes round. I think she's from Fire Emblem too."

"Erm, guys," interrupted Captain Falcon, "I hate to interrupt, but that spell's going to wear off in a few more seconds."

Zelda, Peach and Samus, who had all been banging as loudly as possible on the kitchen door as soon as they'd seen Link go into it, suddenly all fell silent.

"Peach, Samus… what are we doing?"

"I don't know, I can only remember wanting Link."

"I can remember what I did… but suddenly I don't know why."

"Oh my goodness! I need to find Captain Falcon, now!"

Captain Falcon's face lit up when he heard Samus' voice on the other side of the door, and signalled for Link to open it. Link slowly opened the door as he realised that it was safe. Zelda, Samus and Peach all stood there, not violently attracted to Link, but confused.

"Link, what's going on?"

Link turned to Marth as the blue-haired boy muttered, "I think I have some explaining to do…"

For the next few minutes, Marth had to explain to Peach, Samus and Zelda exactly what he'd done. Peach looked angry, but didn't do anything. Samus didn't care as long as Captain Falcon took her back, but Zelda was… slightly more annoyed, judging what she said after slapping Marth in the face.

"Do you have any idea what I did, Marth? Do you?"

Marth meekly replied no, and Zelda whispered furiously, "I was... I was… naked!"

Captain Falcon and Samus turned away and let out small laughs, while Marth and Peach blushed and Link did his best to stop the conversation.

"Ok Zelda, let's get you back to your room," said Link as he put his arm around her, but Zelda had one last message for Marth.

"If you ever do anything like this again, I'll cast a spell that will make Bowser attracted to you for a month," she screamed back at him while Link took her out of the room. Captain Falcon and Samus also left after reconciling, and Peach left to go back to her room, blushing, leaving Marth standing there alone. For a second, Marth thought about the events of the day, then left to find Link and ask him if he knew what Lyn's number was.

After all, as Captain Falcon had pointed out to him, there was no point in blaming other people's relationships when he could be starting one of his own.


End file.
